One of the Hardest choices after Divorce

There is little difference in the frequency of divorce between Christian married couples and Non-christian married couples these days. When a divorce occurs between any couple there are a number of choices that follow. One of the hardest choices one faces after navigating through a divorce has to do with Forgiveness.

There are two sides to the forgiveness coin. The first side has to do with your ex-partner. Choosing to forgive an ex is sometimes very hard for individuals because the list of words and actions he/she has committed may be lengthy and hurtful at times. Still, Jesus is very clear on this topic when He said in Luke17:3-4, 3 “Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4 And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day, returns to you saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.” As anyone can see, Jesus was big on choosing forgiveness time and time again. When unforgiveness builds up in a couple-relationship and one or the other, or both, do not intentionally choose to forgive their partner, the relationship is headed for destruction.

The second side of the forgiveness coin is what can be referred to as “self-forgiveness”. Some individuals are good at self-forgiveness, but others, not so much. The damage that can be self-inflicted by choosing not to forgive oneself after repenting for some harmful words or actions can lead to the end of a relationship as well.

So, whether one is forgiving someone for their hurtful words or actions, or, after repenting to God, asking for forgiveness from someone for their own words and actions, the fact remains that it is still an intentional choice one needs to make.

Years ago I was working with a couple who were going through a rough patch in their marriage. The husband had done something wrong in their relationship. He got caught, repented, and during our session asked for forgiveness from his wife. She looked at him, turned and looked at me and said, “I don’t feel like forgiving him.” To which I simply responded, “I agree with you.” Her eyes got big and she said, “What?” I continued, “I agree with you, because If I were in your situation, I would’t feel like forgiving him either.” She sat there processing that statement. But then I continued, the problem with the statement, “I don’t feel like forgiving him,” is that I can’t find one verse in the Bible that says, “Choose to forgive your spouse, or anyone for that matter, when you “feel” like it.” Jesus simple said in the Luke passage, choose to be a forgiver when you’ve been done wrong. It doesn’t matter if it’s a husband/wife relationship, ex-spouse relationship, next door neighbor relationship, or even a co-worker relationship. . . just choose to forgive others for their wrong doings towards you. When anyone chooses to be obedient to God’s command to forgive others, God comes alongside them to help them become a successful forgiver.

Who in your life does God want you to choose to forgive? Pray, ask Him to help you become a successful forgiver today.